Cancer can eat a lemon.

It's that time of the year where we rally as a community and support the annual Laurens County Relay for Life event. When we were younger, we went because the cute guy in our technology class would be there. As we got older, we realized it was a really important cause. 

This year, it takes on an entirely different meaning. 

About three weeks ago, I was having dinner with my Aunt Sherry and Granny at Papi Loco. Here I am, enjoying life and being a glutton over cheese dip.

Then bam! Something hits me right between the eyes! 

Granny drops the bomb that my Papa has been diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. 

Well that will ruin your quesadilla ANY day.

Every possible emotion ran through my head at that moment. I was terrified. Nauseated. Angry. Frustrated.  You never know the impact of cancer until it hits you in the forehead. 

If you know me at all.. You know I've already researched prostate cancer, made a voodoo doll of prostate cancer, jabbed it with a bunch of sticks, and cried a little bit. (Whatever, I'm a crier. Get off my back. ) 

So here's a few FYI's about prostate cancer. 

Other than skin cancer, prostate cancer is the most common cancer in American men. The American Cancer Society’s estimates for prostate cancer in the United States for 2015 are:

• About 220,800 new cases of prostate cancer- one of which is my Papa Billy. 
• About 27,540 deaths from prostate cancer- one of which I pray is NOT my Papa Billy! 

About 1 man in 7 will be diagnosed with prostate cancer during his lifetime.

Prostate cancer occurs mainly in older men. About 6 cases in 10 are diagnosed in men aged 65 or older, and it is rare before age 40. The average age at the time of diagnosis is about 66. (Papa will be 72 this year.) 

Prostate cancer is the second leading cause of cancer death in American men, behind only lung cancer. About 1 man in 38 will die of prostate cancer.

Prostate cancer can be a serious disease, but most men diagnosed with prostate cancer do not die from it. In fact, more than 2.9 million men in the United States who have been diagnosed with prostate cancer at some point are still alive today. (Cancer.org) 

So that's absolutely horrifyingly terrifying. 

So here's what will happen. Papa Billy will start several weeks of radiation in order to prevent the cancer from spreading. Unfortunately, not all of the medical costs will be covered.. And this cancer stuff is EXPENSIVE.  In an attempt to help offset costs, ALL of his prints will be priced at $30. That's a steal, guys. This man is a fanTASTIC artist! SERIOUSLY. 

My papa needs your help. If you find it in your heart to help support my Papa in his battle, please considering doing so by contacting "Billy Morgan Art" by phone {478.256.4111}, by email {billymorganart@yahoo.com}, or by using PayPal {dunnonsite@gmail.com} All of his prints will be available for purchase. 

You can take a look at his prints and other paintings by visiting http://www.billymorganart.com/

If you've ever met my Papa, you know he is one of the kindest souls to ever walk the planet. And if you've ever met my Granny, you know two things: she's an angel on Earth, and she makes a KILLER banana pudding. 

Neither of these beautiful souls deserve the battle that they're about to take on, but it's here. It's raging like a fire. And it's not going anywhere anytime soon. 

Please considering joining my Papa Billy in his battle against cancer by purchasing a print for only $30. If that is not in your heart's desire and you would just like to donate instead, please do so by contacting the information provided above. If neither are financially possible for you, please just keep him and our family in your thoughts and prayers. 

Cancer is on my last nerve. I wish it would kick rocks somewhere. 

Please join me in making sure my Papa is NOT the one out of the 38 men who will lose their life to prostate cancer this year. 

For more information about different types of cancer and your options, please visit www.cancer.org 

Thanks for taking the time to read a post about cancer. 

Love you guys, 

E. 

Why it's okay that I don't have it together.

Yesterday was one of the happiest days of my entire life. My fabulous sister and brother in law (along with the rest of the family) found out that they were going to have me a NIECE!! I can't even hardly wait to get my hands on her. I've seriously started planning her first birthday and she's not even here yet. (Don't judge me. I'm excited!) Hunter and Taylor were surrounded by an enormous amount of love yesterday, and it was awesome to say the least. Our family truly is blessed beyond measure.

However, there is one thing thing that kept happening yesterday that just rubbed me the wrong way.

"So Erica.. Taylor is married and having a baby now! Don't you think it's your turn to get it together and have us another little baby to play with?"

...I'm sorry, what? 

Have you a little baby to play with? 

Get it together?

My thoughts exactly, dude.

Being 20 something is HARD. On the one hand, you're terrified because you're in college having to decide what you want to do for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. You're going to graduate (in my case, eventually) and possibly find out that you hate your job because you rushed and chose the first major that your PARENTS wanted you to choose. 

So now you're 23, unhappy, and up to your eyeballs in student loans. 

Awesome. Sounds like a party.

The reality of it is that society (and our grandparents.. here's looking at you, Patsy) have this unrealistic expectation that you're SUPPOSED to get married and have children as soon as you hit your 20's. Because that is the only path in life that leads to happiness. Because otherwise, you're unhappy with your life and constantly wanting them to "set you up with a really nice guy!" Um.. No thank you. If you can't make the conscious decision not to wear black with brown, I have zero faith in your ability to choose a suitable life partner.

 (I know you don't feel that way, Granny.... I know you just want a little blonde grandbaby. Be patient, please.)

So I pose the question:

WHAT DOES HAVING IT TOGETHER LOOK LIKE?

For my sister, it is working at the bank, being married to the love of her life, and having me the most perfect niece that the world will ever see. and that works for her! She's one of the happiest people I know, and I couldn't be more proud for her, Hunter, and my sweet AK. 

But that is not for everyone.

I've had this talk with my best friend on several occasions. Here we both are.. 25.. single.. but LOVING life. He's got so much going for him that it is unreal. He loves his job and he loves his friends. He travels to Sanford Stadium and The Masters.. for WORK! I mean, come on. How freaking awesome is that? Then some days.. we both experience that feeling of "will I ever find the person that God chose for me?" .. It almost always comes after attending a wedding. (or in my case, a gender reveal party..) We get this feeling that we're not where we're supposed to be in life because we're not married with 2 bundles of joy. but why is that the only path that seems "normal"? 

WHAT IS NORMAL? 

Why can't normal just be HAPPY?! 

I know that I've taken the LONG LONG LONG road to finding where I'm supposed to be in life. It's taken three different colleges, three different towns, and tons of student loans later.. but for the first time in a really long time, I'm truly happy with where I'm at in my life. I coach the most wonderful group of girls in the world at East Laurens Middle School. I love my Middle Grades cohort (most of the time.) I'm obsessed with my 8th grade students because they are hands down the funniest human beings on the planet. I LOVE my little town of Dublin, Georgia. (and the fact that our downtown area is starting to blossom! How cool! #shoplocal) There's this guy who I will always love no matter what.. but his idea of happiness and my idea of happiness both require us to be in two different towns. He wants the big city life.. and I couldn't imagine myself anywhere but here. and that's okay. Because where I am right here.. in this moment.. in this town.. with these people.. I'm so blissfully happy with life. Had I stuck with my original plans.. I wouldn't have any of these things. 

And life without these things just does not seem like a life that I want.

Yesterday.. when I was ever so graciously asked when I was going to "get it together" and have someone a little baby to play with.. I responded that I'm just too busy to "have you a baby to play with".. to which I got this response:

"What could you be doing that makes you too busy to start a family?!"

REALLY LADY? REALLY?

If I've taken the time to call or text you in the past 2 months alone to try to hang out, either I really like you.. or I've found out that you have Williamson's bakery donuts and I want one. (hehe, Dianna) Because any amount of free time that I have is usually spent sleeping. Us 20 something year olds are BUSY. We don't just go to the mall on Tuesdays and play bingo!

(well, we might. but it's definitely not the same version that you play.)

I digress.

I guess the whole point of this *rant* was to say: LEAVE US ALONE. Quit judging those of us who are taking our time creating a life that WE have to live. Let us find our own path. Let us create our OWN NORMAL. Let us make mistakes! Quit trying to plan our lives for us! You have your own life that you had the opportunity to plan. If you're not happy with the way it turned out... well maybe you should have taken the road less traveled like we did! 

So the next time you decide to ask someone when they're going to "get it together", remember that your version of getting it together and our "20 something" version of getting it together are completely different. 

It's okay that we don't have it together! 

We want to travel. We want to make mistakes. We want to date someone only because they have tickets to The Masters. (not even sorry about that one..) 

We want to find our own way. 

There may come a time when we decide that our way is not working for us.. and we may ask for help. When that time comes, I'm sure each of us hope that we have someone who will be willing to stop what they are doing to offer advice. 

But until that day, please just LET US BE.

The real problem.

As I'm sitting here watching the news on the Ferguson case, my heart severely hurts. 

First of all, it hurts for two families in particular. It hurts for the families of Officer Darren Wilson and Michael Brown. Despite every political and racial agenda that is currently being pushed to the table, these two families are really going through a tragic time. My heart goes out to Michael Brown's parents. No matter what the boy was doing, those two lost their son and nothing will ever be able to change that. Officer Darren Wilson has been put in the public eye for months for what seems to be a self-defense case and will continue to be in the public eye for quite some time. I pray that these two families receive peace and comfort in the days to come.

That is not the only reason my heart hurts though. I'm sitting here watching the news and all I can think about are the thousands of people who are going to wake up today without a job because their places of employment were burned to the ground. I'm thinking about the shop owners who have put so much of their lives into owning their own businesses who are going to wake up today to a pile of ash. I'm thinking about the children who will no longer have a great Thanksgiving meal because their parents lost their job. I'm thinking about the impact that that this is going to have on thousands of families whose children will not receive Christmas presents because their parents lost their jobs during a "peaceful protest". I'm thinking about the families of the officers who are sitting beside the phone waiting to hear if their loved one is going to make it out of this alive. I'm thinking about the Veterans who are having to watch the American Flag being burned by individuals with no respect for the millions of soldiers who lost their lives so that we could freely wave that flag. 

My heart hurts for my country.

My heart hurts for my leaders.

My heart hurts for my future students. 

My heart hurts for the family that I will have one day who will live in a nation like the one we live in today.

I heard a guy on the news earlier, after setting fire to a building, say: "This is what happens when you keep killing black people! What did you expect to happen!?"

The problem is: this is exactly what was expected. We all knew this was going to be the result. The problem is that instead of a peaceful protest to combat violence, the people of Ferguson are now fearing for their lives.

The race card is being thrown around HEAVILY right now. and the real problem is that no one wants to acknowledge that there REALLY IS a racial divide in America. Black people are screaming that white people are to blame for their misfortunes. White people are screaming that black people are lazy and need to get a job.

I'm screaming that you are all ignorant in your own way right now.

Until each group steps up and realizes that YOU WE ARE THE PROBLEM, nothing will ever be fixed. Tolerance in this nation is non-existent. We do not love our neighbor like we love ourselves. We love our white neighbor like we love ourselves but maybe not the black neighbor. We love our black friends like we love ourselves but maybe not the white friend. I know that we live in a nation where racism is ever so alive. but why scream out only when the black man is shot by a white man?? why scream out when a white man is shot by a black man?? 

WHY NOT SCREAM OUT WHEN VIOLENCE OCCURS IN GENERAL??? RACIAL ISSUES SHOULD NOT JUSTIFY THE TURMOIL THAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY PUTTING YOUR CITY THROUGH! 

Why can't we stand up as a nation and see that we are racially divided in a way that is going to destroy our country? Why can't we see that our young people are being taught that this is how white people do things and this is how black people do things? Why can't our young people be taught that this is how you succeed, no matter what the color of your skin is???

My heart hurts for our students. 

Earlier this year while doing my field work at the school, I corrected a student on how to structure her sentences. Her response? "But Miss Thomas, that's how white people say that! I'm not white. This is how I say that."

My. Heart. Shattered. 

Our students are being taught about this racial divide long before they even realize it. White students are "victims" of white privilege and black students are victims of "acting white". White students are looked at as never having issues because of the color of their skin. Black students who articulate and try to better themselves risk ridicule and mockery by their peers for "acting white".

WHY DOES OUR BEHAVIOR AND THE COLOR OF OUR SKIN HAVE A DIRECT CORRELATION?!?! 

It shouldn't matter!

If you're a good person, I can assure you it's because of your HEART-- NOT the color of your skin! Until we as a nation realize this, we will continue to accept the fact that we are divided based on the color of our skin like we are 3rd world Neanderthals instead of equal citizens of one of the greatest nations in the world.

My hope is not that we will fix this problem tomorrow. I'm a realist. I know that is not going to happen. My hope for our nation is that those of us with words strong enough to influence others continue to use them to bring awareness to the fact that our country is going up in smoke unless we stand up and acknowledge that we are ALL the problem. 

May God bless the people of Ferguson and all of the families involved. My heart hurts for you and I am praying for you all. 

-E